I know everybodys talking about the article but its this tweet itself that makes me lose my shit
tinder link in bio.
the replies:
*tapes scissors to my dick* why won’t anyone fuck me, edward scissordick?
I’m sobbing
I love going trough the notes every time bc there’s always someone in the notes insisting we’re all mean and that you can just wear thick dish gloves over your fake nails as if I wouldn’t assume you’re going to Patrick Bateman my ass if you walked into the bedroom with claws and yellow rubber gloves
more than anything i want this zucc vs musk cage match to go through and for zucc to pick elon up like a disobedient chihuahua and drop him directly on his head and walk out of the ring without saying anything as the commentators start freaking out because musk isn’t moving and the ref can’t find a pulse
Mark Zuckerberg has a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do the funniest thing possible.
okay i was joking initially but like. think about it. brutally murdering the richest man on earth with your bare hands on live TV in front of dozens of cameras and a live audience is about the most impossible thing to get away with, and if it was anyone other than Zucc, they’d be shot dead immediately and that would be that. but which security guard is going to shoot Mark fucking Zuckerberg? you can’t just shoot him, you have to, like, bring him to justice with a trial, because we’re better than that or whatever. and because Zucc has more money and lawyers than God he could probably draw it out for years. decades, even. jury members mysteriously disappear and have to keep being replaced. the judge recuses themselves after receiving an email during the trial with an attached video of themselves sleeping the previous night, filmed from their laptop’s webcam (which they have a sticker over). the prosecutor’s car drives off a bridge on the way to trial and when it’s finally dredged up weeks later the brake lines were cut and there’s no sign of a body.
also hyperpop musicians would sample the head bonk
more than anything i want this zucc vs musk cage match to go through and for zucc to pick elon up like a disobedient chihuahua and drop him directly on his head and walk out of the ring without saying anything as the commentators start freaking out because musk isn’t moving and the ref can’t find a pulse
Mark Zuckerberg has a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do the funniest thing possible.
okay i was joking initially but like. think about it. brutally murdering the richest man on earth with your bare hands on live TV in front of dozens of cameras and a live audience is about the most impossible thing to get away with, and if it was anyone other than Zucc, they’d be shot dead immediately and that would be that. but which security guard is going to shoot Mark fucking Zuckerberg? you can’t just shoot him, you have to, like, bring him to justice with a trial, because we’re better than that or whatever. and because Zucc has more money and lawyers than God he could probably draw it out for years. decades, even. jury members mysteriously disappear and have to keep being replaced. the judge recuses themselves after receiving an email during the trial with an attached video of themselves sleeping the previous night, filmed from their laptop’s webcam (which they have a sticker over). the prosecutor’s car drives off a bridge on the way to trial and when it’s finally dredged up weeks later the brake lines were cut and there’s no sign of a body.
also hyperpop musicians would sample the head bonk
